Am I good enough for them?
"Am I good enough for them?"
"Are they good enough for me?"
Which one are you?
‘Earning’ approval from others is what we did as kids.
We had to.
Otherwise, we faced shame and punishments.
I spent 36 years wondering if I was “good enough” for others.
Good enough to date them?
Good enough to work here?
Good enough to be friends with?
Good enough to receive love?
I craved approval from everyone else to determine my worth.
If I was indeed, “good enough”.
This behaviour starts in childhood, where we learn to prioritise (and place a lot of attention and focus on) our caregivers’ opinions and approval. We do this so we can avoid uncomfortable sensations like shame. Even when this means disowning our true wants, needs or preferences.
Then we carry this behaviour with us into adulthood where our focus remains largely ‘external’.
Shifting this focus ‘inwards’ where we start to ask, “Are they good enough for me?” empowers us to 'also' consider our own needs. From there we can set healthy limits and standards for ourselves.
This is where our self-trust can finally begin to grow.
Rather than trying to earn someone else’s’ approval (like we did as children), ask yourself
"Is this what ‘I’ really want or need?"
“Does this relationship nourish me?”
“Can this person show up for me in the ways I need?”
“Does this choice align with what is important to me?”
You may have learned that your needs and wants weren't important.
That your voice isn't valued. That you ask for too much.
None of those things were true, but as kids we are often powerless to advocate for ourselves - and don't have caregivers that encourage us to do so.
Now our self-worth is in our own hands. It’s not determined by others.
Sound difficult? Support is here.